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John Edwards – The Movie

July 16, 2010

Aaron Sorkin is directing a movie about John Edwards. I love The West Wing, great show, so it should be interesting. I’m actually excited for it to come out, I really want to see this.

I could write a whole thing on why this is going to be a great movie, but even I recognize how boring that would be. If you want that sort of writing go to IMDB. I just want to pitch my take on this film should be.

The film starts out like Fight Club. He’s at the thing where he admits his affair. It then flashes back to the beginning of his career to show how he got to the affair thing in the end. The movie picks up with him in a suit carrying a brief case chasing after an ambulance. Literally. Hacky? Perhaps. Terrible comedy seems to be all over big movies these days, so whatever. There’s a montage with some 80’s rock song where it’s just him winning court cases standing next to children with weird/hilarious deformities and injuries. There’s lots of spinning newspaper headlines and swimming in piles of money. Cut to him running for Senate. He wins. Wikipedia has one line on John Edwards that says “During President Bill Clinton‘s 1999 impeachment trial in the Senate, Edwards was responsible for the deposition of witnesses Monica Lewinsky and fellow Democrat Vernon Jordan, Jr.” Now I don’t know exactly what this big fancy word “deposition” means (I do, bear with me), but I’m going to assume that this is where the comedy ends and the porno begins.  The rest of the movie is just a clip show of the work of John Holmes with John Edward’s smiling face superimposed over Holmes’. Yeah, we’ll cover the 2000, 2004, and 2008 elections a little, but honestly I think that Edward’s brain was on other stuff so we’re not going to focus on it too much. We’ll do a few clips of Edwards seeing his phone ring with the caller ID “Wife – Breast Cancer”, promptly followed by John Holmes quickly hitting the “ignore” button on his superimposed cell phone and then going back to what he does best. Finish with his press statement for the affair/a sad (or hilarious) crying scene, roll the credits, movie over.

In all honesty the guy could be the best guy in the world and I wouldn’t know. I say these things for fun, I’m aware that I don’t have any right to form an opinion on him based on the limited information that I know. But whatever, it’s not like he reads this. Just don’t think I’m being unnecessarily judgmental and harsh, I’m sure he’s as great of a guy as every other politician out there. </sarcasm>

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