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Coping With Financial Reform

July 15, 2010

Financial reform is going through. If there’s one thing I’ve learned about politics, however, it’s that straight politics suck. Bad. If I was to write what I really thought I’d just end up getting angry. So I got this awesome coping mechanism; it’s called humor. So, if you want the real story on financial reform and it’s implications go ahead and click the link. I honestly started reading it and stopped. Today has been a good day, why willingly make it bad? So, without further ado, coping time. Who wants to know some little known facts about the bill?

To break up the monopoly obtained by oil companies, part of the anti “big oil” legislation forces the BP CEO’s to travel to the Oval Office for a nationally televised ass-kicking.

To show that the members of Congress sympathize with the common person during the economic crisis, a unanimous vote was passed to lower each member of Congress’ salary to the level of the average national salary with no perks and normal health care. Just kidding.

Due to budget cutbacks in nationwide Starbucks franchises, a “Grande” coffee at Starbucks will now be called the intentionally confusing “Grandíta”.

The term “Too big to fail” was actually coined by Rep. Barney Frank in a downtown DC gay bar.

Due to the destruction that this bill will cause to Wall St., there is a clause in this legislation that officially changes the road name to Rubble St. Despite the fact that Al-Qaeda did that a couple years ago.

I could go on, but I’m busy tonight. So with that 9/11 joke (fuck the Jihadis, as always) I bid thee a good day.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. ASpecialThing permalink
    July 16, 2010 3:40 pm

    “The term “Too big to fail” was actually coined by Rep. Barney Frank in a downtown DC gay bar.”

    You actually said something that was funny? This is a big moment for the blog.

    • Aptronym permalink
      July 19, 2010 8:16 pm

      It was a big moment for Barney, too.

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