Vuvuzelas – Satan Scratching a Chalkboard with Bees
Vuvuzelas suck. They ruin the terrible game that is soccer. I give South Africans a pass, however; when you’re practically swimming in poverty and AIDs maybe the only thing that can make your problems disappear is blowing your troubles away (note – not a recommended solution if your troubles are AIDs). Don’t get me wrong, vuvuzelas make me murdery no matter what the reason is for people blowing them, but when you’re living in desperation maybe that’s the only thing that will make you feel any better about everything. So South Africans grudgingly get a pass. Somehow I remembered a Comedy Central Presents thing with Chris Porter that I watched a long time ago that I think makes my point much better than I can. Just replace the car and the car horn with the sound of Satan scratching a chalkboard with bees.
” Know what I noticed? It’s always the same people that honk their horns on the highway. It’s always people in crappy cars. ‘Cause think about it. Everybody in this room knows what a crappy car horn sounds like. You can call them out. You can be on the highway, like, “what sound does a rolls-royce horn make?” Yeah. I don’t know, either. No one knows. People who own a rolls-royce don’t even know. They don’t even drive the thing. They sit in back and smoke weed and listen to zeppelin. That’s what I’d do. People who honk their horns in traffic are people who’ve run out …In life. And it hits them. They’re just like, “i got a crappy car, “crappy job, crappy life. “Beep, beep FUCK” “look at me! “Look at me.” meep!
Ok, so that said, they have an excuse. You know what there’s no excuse for though? Vuvuzela 2010, the vuvuzela iPhone App. If you have an iPhone you’re clearly somewhat wealthy. At the very least you don’t live in complete squalor. If you do live in complete poverty and you have an iPhone then maybe you don’t have your priorities straight and I hate you anyways, but regardless that’s not the point I’m making. A higher class of people have iPhones, and if you’re rich enough to have an iPhone you shouldn’t be trying to be annoying for the hell of it. I don’t care if it’s a cultural thing or something, vuvuzelas are annoying and people shouldn’t be sitting with their iPhones just tapping the screen so that annoying sounds will come out of the speakers. I feel as if, as a society, anyone caught with the Vuvuzela 2010 App on their iPhone should be demoted to toddler status. They can work their way up to adult again in time, when they grow out of the annoying pointless noisemaking phase of their life.
Note – I currently have the App on my iTouch, however it is purely for research and ironic purposes. Please don’t toddlerize me.