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Patton Oswalt and Why People are Stupid

May 26, 2010

I like comedy. A lot. I’d go so far as to call myself a comedy nerd. My days are comprised of playing Call of Duty and listening to alternative comedy podcasts all based out of LA. I probably get maybe 2 to 3 hours of podcasts per day on average. I won’t go into which ones at the moment, I’m sure I will at some point on this blog though. On top of that I have a bunch of stand-up albums. Dane Cook got me into comedy (a statement that I’m not proud of), but then I heard Mitch Hedberg and it began my spiral downward into the bottomless pit that is comedy thanks to my friend Max. I’ve practically memorized both of Paul F. Tompkins albums. Same with Andrew Daly, Chris Rock, Demetri Martin, Doug Benson, Lewis Black, Mike Birbiglia, and even Weird Al (yes, I consider him a comedian). Same with all three of Mitch Hedberg’s albums. Whenever I do one of Hedberg’s bits though you know I’m saying something he said because I say it in the guy’s distinctive way of speaking. On top of that I put a disclaimer that this isn’t my joke.

As someone who has invested a major portion of my life into alternative comedy it therefore makes me angry when the jokes of the people I have come to view as major influences on my eardrums are stolen. A friend sent me this link. The first two are Patton Oswalt’s bit on a class he took in college called “Physics for Poets”. The last one is Brian Corman in his Columbia University valedictorian speech doing Patton Oswalt’s bit on a class he took in college called “Physics for Poets”.

What’s my point? I’m angry. I don’t like it when people plagiarize from people I feel like I know. But it’s more than that. I’m dumbfounded. I don’t know why this guy thought that he could get away with it. He’s the top student in an Ivy League school. If people like him are completely stupid then isn’t that scary for the rest of us? I don’t even need the caption on the third video to tell me that he plagiarized that bit, anyone remotely into alternative LA comedy knows of Patton Oswalt and his work.  Actually, I’m pretty sure that his work probably mostly appeals to educated college students anyways. Did this student not think we would find out? How could someone be that stupid? And how does it reflect on the rest of humanity that the absolute best of us can be a complete idiot? It’s incidents like this that make me scared to live in a world with people that are far less intelligent than this valedictorian.

Now, time to loop this back to politics. These are the people that are in charge of the government. I’m not even pinning this on a specific administration; people are stupid, people need jobs, the government has jobs. How does it feel that, for all you know, the guy working behind some desk at the EPA is this stupid? What about a Police Officer? The Mayor? The Supreme Court Justice? The General? The President? They are all, in the end, human. Stupid. Inefficient. Arrogant. Bad at their jobs.

Now, lucky for you guys I have the perfect solution. Since humans in governmental authority positions are perfect in every way all we need to do is expand government. That’ll fix everything. I have it all worked out below.

Phase 1: Expand Government

Phase 2: ??????????

Phase 3: Profit!

You can thank me when our perfect government is caring for our every want and need.

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. Aptronym permalink
    May 28, 2010 6:19 pm

    (It’s “amateur”.)

    • May 28, 2010 6:38 pm

      I’ve been meaning to change that, thanks for reminding me, I fixed it and it’ll be all better in the future.

      • Aptronym permalink
        May 28, 2010 6:43 pm

        Oh, good. I was worried about the future for a second there.

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