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The Russians Are E-Coming!

May 23, 2010

Does this concern anyone else? About fifty years ago we came really close to completely blowing up the earth because of these guys. Do we really want to just forget about that? I know they’re pretty much screwed as a country but that still doesn’t account for the proportionally skewed amount of power they have. We literally have a past KGB agent running the Russian government. What’s scariest, though, is that according to what I saw on 24 the Russians support the terrorist portion of government in the Islamic Republic of Kamistan. The Russians even went so far as to order assassinations of US citizens for these guys. And since I believe everything I see on TV, we have a pretty good reason to be scared.

So, they’re a threat. Obviously. And now they’re taking over the very thing that an American citizen (Al Gore) created – the internet. Facebook was one of the first to go. They took away our farms on Farmville. We’re just sharecropping for the Russians now. We’re nothing more than serfs. Next think you know we’ll be sending vodka shots instead of pokes. And instead of a status update you’ll be forced to share with your friends through  обновление статуса.

They bought ICQ, one of the best chat services available. US citizens can’t even talk to each other anymore because the KGB might be monitoring ICQ now. Who knows, Russian laws might allow that.

They might even buy some of Twitter, which means that when the Congressional Twitter Bill is passed the Russians will control the US government as well.

Don’t say I didn’t warn you. I suggest preparing for the future by learning to use the only coping mechanism that the Russian citizens have found to be successful in dealing with the Russian government in their everyday lives – vodka.

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