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Why We Should Nuke the Oil Spill

May 17, 2010

Ok, so BP’s plan for containing the spilled oil in a giant box has failed. I think I know why; it was not nearly an awesome enough solution. I mean really, just putting a giant bucket over a problem isn’t going to solve anything, and, in fact, if history has taught us anything it  shows that sometimes it can even make the problem worse. On top of that, according to Thomas L. Friedman’s 1st Law of Petropolitics an increase in oil only makes things worse for people who like freedom. I guess that means Americans. I don’t know, maybe I read it wrong. One thing that I know freedom-loving Americans love, however, is when stuff blows up. That’s why I’m officially announcing my support for the plan to nuke the oil spill. They talked about jamming golf balls in the leak and a couple other equally unawesome ideas, but if there’s one thing I know about places that produce oil it’s that the only thing that they understand is force. So please, America, just nuke the problem. Obama, PLEASE, just once, be awesome about something. I’m begging you.

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